Is this thing on?

To the two people left...I'm back. I think that was the longest time I've ever gone without blogging. I didn't miss it. Suddenly, though, I got a life and didn't have time. Didn't want to make time. But now that school is over for me but not for the girls yet, I'm bored out of my mind every day. I'm suddenly studying because I don't have to! No sense at all, I tell ya. I am taking a summer class but it doesn't start until June and only lasts a month. THEN I'll only have three classes left. THREE. Crazy. Next semester is acute med/surg and mental health/psychiatric nursing. Good lord. I'm fairly certain I will die when I have to go to the loony bin two nights a week for clinical. They should just keep me. Acute med/surg may be interesting though. We'll be doing clinical in "real" 12 hour shifts. BUT I'll be in a smaller hospital. Not the level 2 trauma I'm used to. Over the last two semesters I've decided that I really don't think I'm suited for labor and delivery. Everyone told me this would happen. And it did. Right now I really want to be in the ED. Particularly trauma. I'm better suited for fast paced, think on your toes and in/out. But of course that could change too. I have to have this figured out before my last semester preceptorship. And eeeeeeveryone knows what they hell they want to do BUT ME.

America's working poor

Yesterday I set out to earn four volunteer hours at a free clinic with the same attitude I always take with me - THIS should be interesting. Free clinics never disappoint.
But yesterday was a little different. Instead of staying 3-4 hours, I stayed just about the whole gosh darn night. This particular clinic is set up in a rural health department after hours. They only see patients once a week on Tuesday evenings. It's walk in and the services there are given only to people who qualify and it is ALL free. The entire staff (from the doctors to the secretary) are volunteers and you can tell, they do it because they love to do it. I worked beside a retired RN taking vitals, health histories, and chief complaints. It was a small area and, while I was doing ALL of the work, she was sorta just watching over me. It was weird. I'm not used to having someone stand over top of me like that but at the same time, it was very good practice. I did more manual blood pressures last night than I ever have (no money is set aside for fancy equipment).
After 2 or 3 people came through I finally had a rhythm and felt comfortable. I realized too, how much I'm actually learning. It was simple but it felt good. I was diligent in making sure I asked about ALL medications. Several times I "caught" people forgetting to mention the aspirin they took or the methadone they were on. I was able to help many people determine why they were taking certain medications. Most of them knew names but didn't know what they were prescribed for. They just, ya know, took them when they remembered. I'm fairly certain one lady had an allergic reaction to an antibiotic she was prescribed on her last visit, and I made sure to note that on her chart. I felt I was very thorough and everyone seemed to appreciate that. Several times I heard, "No one ever thought to ask me that before."
I can't get their faces out of my head.
I worried about the lady with severe alcoholism and cirrhosis of the liver. I'd never seen anyone so yellow. Her sclera were almost neon. She was so open and so jovial though, I just felt awful for the hard life she was forced to live. She lost her third husband to cancer several years ago. She picked up the bottle again after being sober for ten years. She pretty much never put it down after that.
I thought about the young, pretty woman who pulled up in a cadillac. She looked out of her element. When I took her history it became apparent that she was. Up until two years ago she had been vibrant and thriving. First she suffered the loss of a child (a twin died in utero). Then she lost her father, suddenly, to a cancer he left untreated. Then she was shot (by a crazed lunatic for no apparent reason or fault of her own) and left disabled and unable to work. Shorty after that her husband died. She never did say how though... She could barely talk without breaking down. She denied being suicidal but you could tell she was just moments away from a complete meltdown. The only thing holding her together was the sweet little two year old at her feet playing contently with a barbie.
I'm going back. And I don't even care about the volunteer hours. It was such a great experience. I felt like I was doing good. Doing what I was supposed to do. Even if it was just telling every other person that they had the flu virus...and doctors cannot fix a virus (NO expensive tamiflu which, imho, is a waste anyhow)(you can't imagine how many people demanded antibiotics - only given once that I saw for a severely inflamed TM)(as an aside - you can't get any type of narcotic there either)(one of the things I loved most was working side by side with the doctors who let us listen to lungs and look in ears and then asked us what we thought! which was mostly wrong but hey! it was fun!). Go home, drink lots of fluids and take some of this free tylenol and mucinex for your aches, fever, and congestion. If it's not gone next Tuesday come back and see us. Yes, us.

I have a blog? Oh right!

I'm feeling better these days. I, uh, quit taking my meds because I'm NON-COMPLIANT! Maybe I should do a nursing diagnosis for myself real quick. Noncompliance r/t delusions of grandeur AEB client quitting meds AMA because she thinks she knows it all. Easy enough. I'm doing exactly what I try to get people NOT to do. But my symptoms have not exacerbated. Thankfully. My blood pressure last night was a meager 122/83. The best it's been in a very long time. My pulse was 95 sitting still, but eh, I've learned to live with that. No PVC's in a couple of weeks. Well, maybe one or two. But I've learned to live with those t00 and at least they aren't coming 3-4x a day anymore. The only thing I can say for myself is that I'm a scaredy cat. Every single time I took one of those pills I felt like hell. Maybe it was in my mind. I'm sure my neuroses have a bit to do with it. But I've been eating right, getting as much exercise as I can, and have only had a couple glasses of wine since the beginning of the year. Still dealing with the headaches and vertigo late in the evenings, but those are better too. I think. Eh, enough with that. Wears me out.
School is going. When people ask me HOW it's going, that's all I can say. I'm rolling right along and, surprisingly, I don't feel that stressed right now. We have a million clinicals this semester. I spent all last week and the week before in the hospital. It was so much fun. Nursery was my favorite, although I'd never really do that. Maybe when I'm older and looking for something a little less stressful. Mother/baby was interesting too. But I'd never do that either. It was nice and peaceful, the fundus' were contracted, no one was hemorrhaging, and the babies were all healthy. Labor and Delivery, which I was looking forward to the most, was just eh. I'd really like to be a L&D nurse, I think, but the ones on the unit that day were less than enthusiastic to have us around. They were, in fact, very bitchy. On the upside, I got to see two sections and a vaginal. I didn't get to do much as they wouldn't let us touch a THING, but it was a learning experience nonetheless. I'm learning not to take these things so personal. Some nurses just don't groove on being stuck with students and others, well, they just aren't nice at all. Sad. But true. NICU was a really good experience. Another student and I were put with a very smart, nice nurse who showed us the ropes. We changed the babies, fed the babies, watched O2 sats and got to see some very interesting things. Anomalies, an intubation, several teeny tiny IV sticks....so different. I thought I'd be affected by it more than I was. Maybe I'm getting a thick skin finally. Learning to separate myself a little more. Maybe. I know I could never work there. It's so...life and death. In fact, the vaginal delivery that I saw? The baby was having difficulty breathing after birth. NICU was called up right away and that nurse? Amazing! I know all that stuff comes with time but, seriously, watching someone think and act in just a second after assessment was very cool to watch. The baby was fine. I have a few weeks before I go to another hospital for another OB rotation. This week is PACU and then three weeks/six full days of the ever-so-wonderful med-surg. I'll be on the cardiac unit this time so it'll very different from last time.
My spring break is less than three weeks away. BUT I have a care plan to complete during that time. It won't exactly be a break. The girls don't have spring break until the THIRD week of April this year. So what to do about Florida? I've been told that no one is going to hold up their vacation just because I have clinical MTWF that week. Thanks, right? But I'm currently trying to switch my Friday clinical with someone so I can fly down Thursday and fly back Sunday. We'll see. Not exactly sure it's really worth it. Although I just might cry if I don't get to see Lido Beach this year. I could really use a little sun on my skin.
On a good note? BUFFETT tickets were purchased and the end of summer will be celebrated in the parking lot of Nissan Pavilion, once again!

Oh what a day

Good day. Not only did the country inaugurate it's 44th President but it's also my 9th wedding anniversary. I keep telling everyone it feels like 19 or maybe even 29. Mike says that's good and I'm inclined to agree with him. Because that's what we do.
Now it's on to more pressing items. Like the two children in the tub, the giant pile of books that need to be read, and the research that needs finishing for my "in service" teaching speech next week.
First things first though. Shampoo mohawks.

I'll keep it brief

So issues on the medical front are very interesting these days. I'll sum up because there's not time for lengthy explanations. I've been experiencing weird symptoms for about a year now. It started out as a little vertigo that would come and go. Then other things showed up and then the anxiety attacks r/t the symptoms came. Then they all had a party. The hypochondriac in me has lead me to three doctors. All of whom say the same thing. I'm not dying. BUT I do have PVC's, a shortened P-R interval, tachycardia, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol. Look em up if you're interested. There really is no explanation as to why these things are happening. But they are happening. That part it real (I have visual evidence from tests galore - my insurance company loves me). They may be related, they may not be. Sometimes these things happen. I mean I'm not exactly "healthy". I love to cook and I love to eat. I hardly ever cook "bad" food but I eat WAY to much of it. I get almost zero exercise unless I'm at work. I could drink less Miller Lite. Tis both a blessing and a curse to have a little medical knowledge now. I can talk myself into having anything. Why, just the other day, after watching Patrick Swayze on 20/20, I was convinced that I had pancreatic cancer. Mike is always saying, "Instead of talking yourself into a brain tumor, why don't you try talking yourself into HEALTHY! There's an idea." But it's so much easier to think your dying of an incurable disease.
So here I am trying to get healthy. To feel normal again. Trying not to feel sorry for myself and trying not to say WHY ME? I'm not THAT fat. The cardiologist says I need to lose 40pds. He thinks everything will correct itself if I lose the 40pds. Some people are just more sensitive to weight gain. Some people are just more sensitive to changes in bp. So I'll do it. I'll do anything at this point. If it means normal again, I'll do it. I've also been asked to d/c my birth control. I reluctantly said yes and immediately bought condoms with spermicide. I have meds for the cholesterol, high bp/tachycardia, and anxiety. I'm taking all but the anxiety meds. I'm scared to take ANY of them. But when it came right down to it, I couldn't swallow that one. Besides, I think the worst of the anxiety will go away once the other symptoms fade. When I lost the 20pds over the summer (of course I put it right back on), things were much better. So there is hope for me yet. Will update in three months when I'm reevaluated.